Are you a Salsa dancer? Do you know the hidden dangers of this seemingly innocuous activity? Take it from me, Salsa is a dangerous thing to be getting mixed up with and it’s best avoided. There are so many risks and hazards that may challenge even the strongest of us. Besides, you’re probably comfortable living your routine life, safe in the knowledge that nothing too exciting will come along. Best keep it that way, don’t you think? And for that reason, salsa is best avoided. Here are 10 reasons why salsa is just too dangerous.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you….
1. You’ll have to sacrifice those couch-potato ways. Sorry. You’ll soon notice that you look a too fit and toned for your liking. You’ll also have a nasty new burst of energy and will get ‘itchy feet’ if you try to spend a night in front of the telly.
2. Your mind will become utterly polluted with salsa turn patterns, colourful daydreams of distant lands across the ocean, tropical rhythmic music and also conjugations of Spanish verbs…
3. Sleep will no longer be a pleasure. Instead it will become ‘a waste of time’ and something you do reluctantly in small doses to top up your energy levels and to keep going until the next dancing session.
4.You’ll no longer keep your monolingual ways. Whether it’s just a snatch of lyrics from a popular song or a big chunk of language, and as much as your might resist you will begin to speak Spanish. Worst still you may end up specializing in hard-to-understand accents such as cubano, colombiano or puertorriqueno…And who would want that?
5. Not one pair of shoes will be safe from the ‘spin test’. Everything you buy or wear will be subjected to tests on spin, turnability, slip and the all important can-you-see-my-pants-when-i-spin test. Poor unfortunate footwear.
6. Your bank statements will adopt the appearance of a jetsetter who is really in love with life. Items like ‘awesome dance holiday to Havana’, ‘stunning dance shoes’ and ‘superb Salsa weekender’ will soon clutter the list, leaving little space for mediocre and everyday items.
7. Your partner will suspect that you are having a secret affair when you spend all of your waking hours smiling to yourself, humming and staying out having fun til all hours. Especially when you come home with that healthy rosy glow and traces of sweat on your brow.
8. You’ll have friends coming out of your ears. Luckily I don’t mean literally. But too many friends can be suffocating. Do you really want to be so popular? Do you really want so many great invitations to awesome parties and events? Do you need yet another dance with a fabulous dancer? No. I thought you wouldn’t like the idea of that either.
9. People will think you have become a secret agent. Or something. Seriously. You’re bound to get carried away with all of that dancing and never want to go home. Plus no-one will really understand what you are talking about and they will simply decide that you must be living a secret double life.
10. Cupid might begin to stalk you. He’s a cheeky little chappy when it comes to the salsa scene and he may take aim at you a few times. Best to brush up on your gentle knockbacks beforehand to ensure that you can handle the hundreds of hunks or babes that will come flocking towards you. Who needs a little salsa charisma? Not me.
11. Salsa is highly addictive. You will want more. And more. And more. Please seek help if things get this bad. There is no need to succumb to positive and healthy pastimes such as these.
Every year, millions of people around the globe take part in the dangerous practice of ‘salsa dancing’. Only the brave and bold come out the other side unscathed. Are you one of them? Can you resist the dangers of salsa?…..